I want to remember this season of three little children. I want to remember that it was hard. I want to remember the chaos. The moments where I felt out of control—moments where I was struggling to know the right thing to say or do. I want to remember that there were moments that I didn’t trust myself and didn’t trust my parenting decisions. Or wasn’t happy with how I reacted in the moment. I want to remember that I didn’t have it figured out. I want to remember that I was learning and growing in each moment, with each decision, it was like learning to walk every single day, one step in front of another.
I want to remember how Jack sings along with music, humming mostly, especially when Michael is singing and playing guitar. I want to remember how Connor loves music, moving from one instrument to the next, piano, guitar, harmonica, and then often a few things lined up on the floor to act as a drum. I want to remember how Ryan learns lyrics to Michael’s songs and sings along with him. I want to remember the music and how it has filled our home.
I want to remember the quiet moments. The moments where time stood still. Where we were all present, saying a kind word or doing something thoughtful. The moments where I remembered to listen to the peace. To relax, to take a deep breath and close my eyes. The hugs, the back scratches, the soft touch, the head nod. The moments where I actively practiced gratitude for this life I am trying to build.