Being pregnant changed me. It made me aware of my body, my mind, my feelings, my needs, my hunger, my tiredness, my happiness, my pain, and my hope. It made me so intimately aware of my presence. Now, after two pregnancies, I have been able to hold onto that awareness. Feeling things and asking myself why I feel them. Am I feeling especially worked up about some stupid political update, or on the other end of the spectrum, am I especially relaxed or happy? Checking in: Is this ok? Is it familiar? Should I be worried? Where am I in my cycle? Lay down. Google it. Have something to eat.
When I was younger, I didn't give my body enough credit. I didn't pay attention to its needs. I didn't respect what it was trying to tell me: Slow down, feel what you are feeling. But now, I have felt two babies grow inside of me, bigger and bigger each day, and I loved every moment of that responsibility. Even the painful, uncomfortable moments. And now I know to trust my body, in a way I didn't know it before. Today I am tired and emotional, I feel it, and acknowledge it, and commit to live through it. And then I will go to sleep at the end of the day, and give a new day another chance.
I saw Regina Spektor perform this week at Wolf Trap, and she played this song below, and there's something about it that gives me so much peace.